I believe grief is the most misunderstood emotional state in the Western world. What we don’t understand is very hard to walk through and yet if we don’t meet with our grief, it continues to show up in our lives as symptoms, asking us to please pay attention. Charles Eisenstein said, “Hate is just a bodyguard for grief. When people lose the hate, they are forced to deal with the pain underneath.” I think it would be safe to say that anger, rage, defensiveness, perfectionism, OCD, violence and many other emotions and behaviour patterns could just as easily be substituted for the word ‘hate’. Sometimes, it is not even our own grief we bodyguard but that which is passed down for generations. While these emotions and behaviour patterns cause so much pain in and of themselves, we use them as bodyguards to protect ourselves from something which we perceive will hurt so much, we will be overwhelmed or unable to handle it.
The Bodyguards of Grief
By neither nature or nurture, was I capable of going anywhere near my grief. It wasn’t modelled for me in my childhood environment and and it was suppressed in my family line epigenetically. The main strategy I created to avoid feeling grief was to live my life in a state of rage. I lashed out at people, I was extremely defensive, I avoided praise and physical affection. I turned the rage outwardly at others and inwardly at myself.
The rage hurt so deeply, but it felt better, and more in control, than the deep sadness, sorrow and grief that I, at some level, knew was found underneath. To come to a place where I could acknowledge and walk through my grief and sorrow, I needed both a safe place and the tools BodyTalk offered me. There were techniques to release pain, rage and fear, to calm my hyper-vigilant behaviour – always watching for the next person to hurt and leave me, to address the separation issues I experienced as a child, and the epigenetic issues passed down from my ancestors experiences. The techniques did so in a deep, integrated and yet gentle way. The safe place, I found in someone who had deeply walked through her own pain, grief and sorrow.
As a BodyTalk Practitioner, former counsellor and someone who has walked the path of grief and sorrow, I can listen in multiple ways to the pain and grieving of yourself, your child or your family. For more information and a free 30 minutes consultation. All sessions are via Skype or FaceTime.